Tracing My Life

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 17

Fall 2009, finally we all recieved our first set of letters. All 13 members of AZ pledge class became brothers of Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity. This is one of my proudest and fun nights.

04/17/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 15

Halloween of 2009, a few of my best friends and I drove out toHollywoodfor a day to see a concert that night. We drove out early that morning to meet up with another friend who was living in the area. On a whim we decided to find a theater inHollywoodand see Boondock Saints 2 since it wasn’t playing in Vegas. Had an adventure walking aroundHollywoodand continued on to the concert. We saw some of the wildest and revealing Halloween costumes ever, saw some great musicians, little did we know it was daylight savings time; so the concert that was supposed to end at 3am actually ended an hour later at what was supposed to be 4am. We drove home right after, on that 4 hour drive home we were sure we would die. Exhausted from the concert and the days activities that was one of the wildest days I’ve ever had, but it was a wonderful time.

04/15/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 13

For a few years in high school I worked at JCPenny in the shoe department. My department were the odd balls of the whole store we had a blast working there because we didn’t care about the rules or anything, we would take naps in the stock room, throw things at one another and yell across the sales floor. It was a fun place to work for those few years.

04/13/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 12

I took my little sister to see Dropkick Murpheys live in concert. I loved going to concerts with her, this one the first time she ever really got into a mosh pit. It was so much fun, when we left the arena and got back to my car, the first thing she did was play Dropkick all th way home.

04/12/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 11

A christmas tradition for my family is our family party. Every year all the members of my family and our close friends spend christmas eve together smiling and laughing. This was my grandparents dancing. It is rare to see them like this, when they are carefree and enjoying their time together, even after over fifty years together. Real love is always wonderful to see

04/11/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 9

It has been a month since my BB has gone. I miss her terribly. This photo was taken the night of her memorial. My fraternity brothers surprised me with this set of letters to commemorate her. On the back they have her name and the years she was born/died. I love my brothers to death and I love my sister. These are by far my favorite set of letters that I will ever own.

04/9/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 8

The last day of freshman year in highschool. Everything was so easy, so simple and so much fun. High school was a wonderful time filled with many great days and many great adventures.

04/8/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 7

My friends and I love to eat. One place we always dominate is Buffalo Wild Wings. Its so much fun having a huge group of friends laughing and yelling and being rowdy, although I know the wait staff must hate us for it. We always have a great time.

04/7/12

A Perfect Blossom

Constantly I search. Optimistic yet realistic
I look. My eyes do not deceive,
this bud is pure. Entire fields scoured
yet unfound what is now before. Being perfect
among imperfections lies a perfect blossom. Awaits
the unveiling of its beauty. Caring for each petal
as it grows and a bud becomes a beauty. Kisses
my world with color and beauty, the likes of which will not be seen again

04/6/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 6

This was a very special dinner for my 20th birthday. My whole family took me to a very fancy french restaurant and we had such a great time eating, laughing, and smiling. One of my favorite birthdays

04/6/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 5

This was the end result of an entire night camping out. An Einsteins Beagles was opening up on campus and was offering free sandwiches for a year to the first hundred customers. My friends and I sat out in front of this shop from midnight the night before until eight in the morning, it was worth it. So much fun hanging out and being rowdy while waiting for our bangle.

04/5/12

Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 4

My mother wanted new family pictures of me and my sister last year. I was reluctant, because I don’t like pictures of myself. Both my mother and my sister pressured me into doing it. When if finally came to it, i enjoyed it, me and my sister had so much fun goofing off and messing around while we did these cheesey poses.

04/4/12

Tracing My Life in Stills: Day 29

02/29/12

Tracing My Life in Stills: Day 28

02/28/12

Here are my before and after pictures of my head injury. One cement wall, 4 staples, and one month later.
Now that I have had my final check up with my doctor I feel alright in finally expressing something I had not told anyone since the accident. Due to the concussion I received from the fall as well as its position and severity I was at higher risk for serious future damage, or death. After my first check up my doctor told me simply that I had about a 20% chance of falling asleep and not waking up again which would dwindle down over the next month. They told me to have someone periodically check on me while I slept to ensure I was sill breathing and to avoid anything that would alter my state of mind as it would increase these chances.

Of course I did neither. To be completely honest I was far too frightened to tell anyone, even though it was a very low chance that anything would happen to me. 20, even 10 percent chance of sleeping and not waking up is much more real than the one in several billion chance that is faced on a regular basis.

Faced with mortality is a strange thing, fear is present but not overwhelming all the while life continues marching forward. You are forced to live while knowing you may die. While my day’s were busy enough to keep my mind occupied enough that I would not focus on it, my nights laying in bed were not so easily avoided.

Alone with only my mind to occupy me I found myself wanting something I could not have. Over the past month that this fact had been dwelling in my mind I was only able to find two ways to settle my mind enough to sleep. The first was simply to drink enough alcohol that I could no longer keep my eyes open. Though this was not a nightly thing, some nights it was my only comfort. The other was just as bad for other reasons. I would remember the one woman that could comfort me in any situation. I would embrace my pillows, resting my head as I used to on her chest and I would listen to her heartbeat. Laying in the dark alone I could still feel her pulse and feel her warmth, this was the only other way I was able to drift to sleep, cuddled alone remember something that no longer exists. Pathetic isn’t it?

Now that I have been cleared and healthy, it is time to go back to loosing sleep for no good reason.

02/23/12

Tracing My Life

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