Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 30
one of the funnest times I have ever had was going out paintballing with all my friends, we left at like 8 in the morning to get there early and spent all day playing. It was so much fun crawling all over the fields and getting dirty. She wanted this picture and i was giving her a hard time about it and kept moving out of the picture to make her laugh. Finally she snuggled behind me and took this picture. Its still one of my favorite pictures.
Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 12
I took my little sister to see Dropkick Murpheys live in concert. I loved going to concerts with her, this one the first time she ever really got into a mosh pit. It was so much fun, when we left the arena and got back to my car, the first thing she did was play Dropkick all th way home.
Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 11
A christmas tradition for my family is our family party. Every year all the members of my family and our close friends spend christmas eve together smiling and laughing. This was my grandparents dancing. It is rare to see them like this, when they are carefree and enjoying their time together, even after over fifty years together. Real love is always wonderful to see
Tracing My Life in Smiles: Day 6
This was a very special dinner for my 20th birthday. My whole family took me to a very fancy french restaurant and we had such a great time eating, laughing, and smiling. One of my favorite birthdays
Here are my before and after pictures of my head injury. One cement wall, 4 staples, and one month later.
Now that I have had my final check up with my doctor I feel alright in finally expressing something I had not told anyone since the accident. Due to the concussion I received from the fall as well as its position and severity I was at higher risk for serious future damage, or death. After my first check up my doctor told me simply that I had about a 20% chance of falling asleep and not waking up again which would dwindle down over the next month. They told me to have someone periodically check on me while I slept to ensure I was sill breathing and to avoid anything that would alter my state of mind as it would increase these chances.
Of course I did neither. To be completely honest I was far too frightened to tell anyone, even though it was a very low chance that anything would happen to me. 20, even 10 percent chance of sleeping and not waking up is much more real than the one in several billion chance that is faced on a regular basis.
Faced with mortality is a strange thing, fear is present but not overwhelming all the while life continues marching forward. You are forced to live while knowing you may die. While my day’s were busy enough to keep my mind occupied enough that I would not focus on it, my nights laying in bed were not so easily avoided.
Alone with only my mind to occupy me I found myself wanting something I could not have. Over the past month that this fact had been dwelling in my mind I was only able to find two ways to settle my mind enough to sleep. The first was simply to drink enough alcohol that I could no longer keep my eyes open. Though this was not a nightly thing, some nights it was my only comfort. The other was just as bad for other reasons. I would remember the one woman that could comfort me in any situation. I would embrace my pillows, resting my head as I used to on her chest and I would listen to her heartbeat. Laying in the dark alone I could still feel her pulse and feel her warmth, this was the only other way I was able to drift to sleep, cuddled alone remember something that no longer exists. Pathetic isn’t it?
Now that I have been cleared and healthy, it is time to go back to loosing sleep for no good reason.
Tracing My Life in Stills: Day 12
I dont know what happened to this when I originally posted it. My tumblr has been acting weird
