And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
And Moses thrust down his staff, the sea parted like a drunk college girls legs; slightly askew.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
Tried this, failed. Only one of two possible reasons; I did use Mexican Long grain rice so it may have just attracted my new mexican neighbors, or the asians got distracted by my various nerdy collectables/posters on the way to the bag of rice.
I don’t know what I did in my previous life to deserve this one, but man it must’ve been fucked up.